I’ve sat down countless times trying to think of an example of a good, healthy marriage within my family or community. And each time, I come up with nothing. Not one. It’s disheartening, but it’s the truth. Many of the South-South men I know—particularly Urhobo men—need to do better.
What happened to respecting your wives? What happened to real love? And no, I don’t mean sexual love or the kind of affection that’s just for show. I’m talking about the deep love that makes you stop, look at your wife, and say, “This woman has been through so much. How about I spoil her today? How about I show her appreciation for all she’s done?” Sadly, that kind of love seems nonexistent in too many homes.
In my family, there are more women than men, and it pains me to say that most of them are trapped in what I can only describe as “copy and paste” relationships. Management, endurance, that’s what they’ve been taught to accept. And these aren’t just minor issues. Many are dealing with mental, financial, emotional, and even physical abuse. But instead of receiving support, they’re often judged by the same people who are enduring the exact same thing.
Worse still, when a woman decides she’s had enough, when she finally picks herself up and chooses to live a better life without being tied down to an abusive marriage, she’s judged. Judged by this same community that know nothing The whispers start, the gossip spreads, and it seems like no one is willing to acknowledge her strength. Instead, they belittle her, as if staying in a miserable situation is some kind of badge of honor.
In Delta State, domestic abuse has almost become a norm. Women endure it, hide it with makeup on, and carry on as though nothing is wrong.
They’ve grown accustomed to the pain, to the struggle, and it’s heartbreaking. What kind of future are we building? What kind of children are we raising? Arrogant fathers create arrogant sons. Abused mothers raise daughters who think abuse is part of life. And so the cycle continues.
It’s sad. So, so sad.
The truth is, we need to do better. As a community, as a people, we need to break these toxic cycles. We need to teach our boys to respect women and our girls that they deserve better. We need to stop normalizing abuse and stop judging those who have the courage to walk away. Because in the end, what kind of legacy are we leaving behind?
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